"makes me want to get lost
and get right with my soul."
it was just one those days.
one of those days where i couldn't stand to be in my apartment one second longer and i just had to get out. it's good to make a check-list for yourself and spend time job searching, but hours and hours and hours inside a tiny one-bedroom apartment can start to feel extremely hopeless. a friend once told me that los angeles was like a trick. it's one of the biggest cities in the world with millions of people--but for that very reason, it can be very isolating.
it wasn't just an "i need some fresh air" kind of day.
it was just one of those lonely days where i started to feel like it was hard to breathe. sitting at home by yourself for hours on end also gives you no choice but to marinate in not just one--but ALL of your problems.
i guess no one ever said
this would be easy.
before i jumped ship and headed out into the unknown today--i caught something on TV that really hit home for me. since i'm "in between" jobs right now, it always ends up being an uncomfortable question when people ask me what i do. luckily, every person i've talked to who has moved out here to be in the acting world claims to have had a laundry list of jobs. reminding myself of that makes me feel less guilty about my catalog of professions from this past year...
chiropractic assistant...thrift shop employee...waitress...personal assistant for a day...
and then i saw this.
and it reminded me that this isn't easy for anyone.
then i got up, threw on an outfit as fast as i possibly could, and started driving.
i drove until i hit surfrider's beach in malibu and i pulled over onto the side of the pacific coast highway.
and then i just sat there for hours.
it was just one of those days.