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it's starting to hit me.

the other day, a friend was talking to me about something going on next weekend in downtown raleigh. my mind instantly traveled to the following
friday and a series of questions ran through my head:

"i wonder who is going to be in town next weekend."
"i wonder which of my friends will be working over the weekend."
"i've been craving mexican food, i wonder if any of my friends will want to go out to dinner next weekend."

even though i've been talking about california, and blogging about california, and packing for california, i guess a part of my mind hasn't fully wrapped itself around the idea that i'm leaving this place that i know as home. the day after tomorrow. i know this entire blog began with a post talking about me moving across the country in a few days, but because i knew i was coming back in a few weeks (which ended up being a few days) it didn't feel so permanent just yet. as i suddenly realized that there is no "next weekend in raleigh" for me, the truth is that a part of me was thinking "...i don't understand." although moving to california is something i've wanted to do my entire life, it's easy to forget all of the changes that are coming along with it. being in an unfamiliar place, not having family and close friends at arm's reach, and trying to find my own way for the first time. it's an exciting chapter in my life that is about to begin, but not knowing what is coming next can also be a little scary. i know that's the whole purpose of the future--to not know what's coming--but i'm starting to prepare myself for the fact that in a few days, this place that has surrounded me for over twenty years will no longer be the backdrop for my every day life.


simple girl said...
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simple girl said...

number 1: it makes me very sad that Cali does not have a bojanles.. you should probably think about writing a letter, or better yet making a video and sending it in.
number 2: your mom is going to kill you.
number 3: is that bbq chicken?!
number 4: you can't be reminded enough how great of a person you are and how you are going to do BIG things in california. you know you were born to see your name in lights and there is something wonderful out there waiting for you.
number 5: I think I'm getting sick.