"there are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same."
~chinese proverb
today i needed to get away.
so i did.
i looked up far away places where i could be outside, put in my headphones, start at a bottom...and make it to a top.
sometimes it's nice to set a goal for yourself, even if you have no idea if, or how, you're going to conquer it.
i decided i wanted make it to the top of eagle rock. i wanted to be one of those tiny people i could see all the way from the bottom.
so i did.
i stepped out of my car, into the park, and walked uphill for three miles.
and that was all it took--putting one foot in front of the other and not looking back.
i didn't say it was a piece of cake...
...did someone say cake?
there's only one place i know higher than the clouds.
i was damn near expecting to see wilbur and mango walking around up here...
i once joked to my best friend that the song "hold us together" by matt maher is what i listen to when i take my sunset walks through beachwood canyon and "ponder my life." the truth is that the reason i enjoy doing things like this by myself is because it gives me time to think.
well, it's not that i don't have time to think. i spend most of my time watching food network. there are plenty of commercials if i needed to make any important decisions.
okay, joking aside--the reason i escape to the outdoors recently is because the fresh air allows me to breathe and clear my head in a way that i can't do when i'm just sitting on my couch.
i think that big life decisions involve taking time to allow yourself to consider all of the options and consequences. as i sat on this mountain in the clouds, i decided to stop analyzing my thoughts and hopes and dreams and fears for the long-run. right now all i have is today, and if i'm lucky enough to not get eaten by a mountain lion, hopefully tomorrow too.
so as i embark on what is about to be a brand new year in my life--year #26 to be exact...
i decided to ask myself what i really want.
what are the things that i really want in this life?
i only get one so i might as well choose wisely.
i want to find my happiness--not in a place, or a guy, or a sandwich--but in myself.
i don't want to let people down. ever.
i want to figure out what it is inside of me that is sometimes SO full of determination that nothing will stand in my way.
i want to remind myself that life can always change. no decision is infinite.
i don't want to keep seeing sunsets that aren't shared with people i love.
i want to feel sure of things more often.
i want to be able to eat dinner with my parents whenever i feel like it.
i want to be able to wake up on a sunday and meet my best friend at starbucks to split a pumpkin scone.
"i want to be more adventurous like my sister,
"i thought to myself as i sat on top of a mountain..."
i looked down at the faded bracelet i once bought with my best friend. i'm pretty sure we both paid about 49 cents for them, but it's something i still treasure very much. i had put it on today because i was hoping it would feel like she was right there with me. looking at this dirty old bracelet was one more reminder of the things in my life that are important to me, and how it's not familiarity or comfort that i long for--it's the simple small joys that make me feel fulfilled and more complete. it reminded me that maybe it's the people, not the places, you surround yourself with that make life worthwhile.
...then i got up, tripped over a few pebbles, and headed back down to the bottom.
"the great lesson…is that the sacred is in the ordinary, that it is to be found in one’s daily life, in one’s neighbors, friends, and family, in one’s back yard.
~abraham maslow
~abraham maslow
